The amygdala is a small, almond-shaped structure inside of your brain, part of the larger network in your brain called the limbic system.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, one of the primary roles of the amygdala is inform you as to what is dangerous. It's also the part of our brains that are most averse to change.
The authors of The 12 Week Year describe how the pesky amygdala sometimes gets in our way:
"Unfortunately, when we imagine the future as being vastly different from today, we experience uncertainty because we don't know how to create and maintain the future we are imagining. When this happens the amygdala kicks in. That's when the part of our brain that avoids risk gets in our way. It seeks to keep us out of risky situations."
The authors go on to tell us that we have another part of our brain that "acts as a counterbalance" to the amygdala, called the prefrontal cortex (PFC):
"The PFC lights up when you look out over open vistas, and interestingly, when you imagine greatness for yourself in the future."
Networking is all about changing our futures, one small relationship build at a time.
When we make plans to either reach out to someone to ask for a 1-2-1, or we text someone to ask if they might be willing to make an introduction on our behalf, we might find our amygdala kicks in and, through negative self-talk, try to convince us to stop. "This is risky" it says. "What if the person thinks I'm a dork for asking?" it questions. "He will never agree to a meet with you," it proclaims.
Don't let the amygdala dictate your actions when it comes to seeking out those who might help you grow your business and build relationships.
Instead, tap into your PFC and imagine what might happen if you set up that meeting with the person you admire but intimidates the heck out of you. Imagine what would unfold if you went ahead and asked a fellow networker for that introduction that you know would move your business forward.
The amygdala is great for rattlesnake awareness and alerting you to other dangers, but not so great at informing the decisions that will help you learn and grow.
I heard someone say recently, "Your emotions should be in the backseat. Not in the trunk where they aren't accessible, but NOT driving the car either." I wish I could remember who said it because it's the perfect perspective to keep in mind when we want to ask others for help.
Here are sentences you could tell yourself to push you to do the scary but good things that effective networking requires:
"I have something to offer, I deserve to be here."
"These people (at the event, in the room, etc.) are holding opportunities for me and my business."
"I'm issuing an invitation to a party, not a summons to jury duty."
"If I go into this meeting curious and willing to learn, the person will feel that positive energy."
"I have built rapport with this person, and she'll more than likely be willing to help."
"I've shown up with vulnerability, and kindness, which go before me when I ask for help."
I'm not encouraging you to "positive think" your way out of business.
After what I hope was an encouraging pep talk to move you forward in your networking, always be open to feedback. If you are constantly getting turned down for meetings, you may be doing too much selling and not enough relationship building.
If others aren't willing to put their necks out for you, there may be a problem with your personality you need to address. Maybe your team is doing things that you aren't aware of, and now it's hard for others to refer you.
There are several possible reasons why others aren't wanting to provide you encouragement or support. It could be you need to find another networking room to be in.
You'll benefit from asking questions of those you trust, and accepting feedback from them.
Often however, it's self doubt, not hubris that gets us in the end. Let's not be afraid to be tenacious and discover what happens when we move forward, afraid but determined.
Go network my friend, and remember:
Let your PFC take the wheel when you network. Picture the opportunities before you, and save the amygdala for the rattlesnakes.
The Networker's Tour Guide, Faithann Basore, and her husband Dave have owned Window Cleaning Plus (WCP) for 10 years. Growing WCP through networking has given Faithann the desire to guide other small business owners through the networking terrain so they can feel comfortable and build long lasting relationships in their business.
Got networking questions? Email me at [email protected].