Scientists have found the gene for shyness. They would have found it years ago but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes. -Jonathan Katz

All kidding aside, shyness can be a problem if you are networking and want to invite someone to have coffee or lunch with you.

These 1-2-1 meetings are so important, shyness should not keep you from the privilege of good conversation with another business owner. Try these three approaches to get 1-2-1 meetings with those you don't know well on your calendar without being awkward or pushy.

A Compliment

A compliment is the magic buffer that moves us from land of tolerance to the land of friends. My friend recently had someone in her sights that she wanted to meet with. She told me that this person was about to get up and leave the meeting, and my friend hadn't had the chance to talk with her. My friend needed to move quickly, and so a compliment was conjured and given. Like a spell of the sorcerer, the compliment worked and the meeting was set.

We don't walk up to someone and say, "I like your shirt, can we have coffee?"

However, we could walk up to that same person and say, "I love your shirt. Tell me how it came to be in your closet."

Now this person has a story to tell, and you have a story to listen to. From there, ask more questions, share your experiences, and see if you can't get that coffee scheduled as a natural next step. You might say something like:

"This has been so fun. Thanks for sharing the story about your shirt. I _________________(another sentence about what the person said while telling the story). What would you think about setting up a time for us to have coffee together so I can learn more about your business?"

A Question

This one takes a little prior research. If there is a person you know you will likely see at a specific meeting, and it's a person you want to know better, research his/her social media accounts prior to the meeting.

Did Mary just purchase chickens to raise?

I know if I were getting chickens, the live kind anyway, my facebook friends would hear about it.

Did John just return from a trip to the Bahamas?

A vacation is a big event and is likely to show up in a post or two on John's Insta or X.

Our digital world allows us to learn so much about others before we even meet them. Use this to your advantage. Ask a relevant question based on some event or change they have just posted about and see where the conversation leads.

Then use the same language from the "compliment" section above to ask for a meeting.

An Introduction

Here is my new favorite way to have one to ones. Connect a person you already know with that person you want to know better, and make the coffee a party of three instead of two.

Let's say you own a bakery and your sister is a financial planner. You overhear a conversation next to you between a wedding planner and someone else. The wedding planner is talking about wanting to save for retirement.

You want to establish a relationship with the wedding planner so that you both can pass referrals to each other. The wedding planner is interested in beginning to invest for retirement. Your sister can help the wedding planner.

Now, the fun begins. Once the wedding planner has finished her conversation, you introduce yourself and begin a conversation. Use either a compliment or a question to get the ball rolling, then when you want to invite the wedding planner for coffee, you say something like,

"I've had a lot of fun talking with you. I couldn't help overhear you talking earlier about wanting to save for retirement. My sister is a financial planner. Would you be open to having coffee with the two of us? She may have some tips for you, and I would love to hear more about how long you've been helping brides."

Use your judgement as to how many times you might want to talk to a person before taking this opportunity to bring a third person into the mix.

However, often you can ride the coat tails of others to get you in front of the people you want. I'm not talking about name dropping, but instead making lunches or coffees happen in which people are getting the most out of the connecting power you have.

The Shyness Factor

Let me point out the theme that is common among all three of the approaches to get someone on your calendar.

You have a clear strategy to implement. Having a strategy keeps some of the unknown out of your head, and might give you the confidence you need to make the invitation happen.

Also, you are helping others. When helping others becomes more important to you than impressing others, you'll be surprised how quickly the shyness melts away into the background of your life.

Go network my friend, and remember:

You have value. Look to help others, and let this be the confidence that catapults you into your next 1-2-1 meeting.

The Networker's Tour Guide, Faithann Basore, and her husband Dave have owned Window Cleaning Plus (WCP) for 10 years. Growing WCP through networking has given Faithann the desire to guide other small business owners through the networking terrain so they can feel comfortable and build long lasting relationships in their business.

Got networking questions? Email me at [email protected].